In most relationships, love or the absence of it is rarely a problem. On the contrary, what appears to be the problem is not knowing how to express love in way a that your partner understands. People marry out of love.., care for one another because of love, and do all the special things to make their partner know that. “yes! I love you”. However, with time & age, just as things decay, their love also decays & fades away.
In his bestselling book, The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman highlights five ways people might experience love viz:
Words of Affirmation:
Simply meaning, saying words that make your partner feel good, wanted, loved & accepted (& ya… Saying it with the feel) This can be in the form of appreciation, encouragement, compliment, gratitude, etc. . . that makes the receiver feel loved. For example, you are looking beautiful, I appreciate what you did for me, I love you, and thanks for being with me.
Quality Time:
This simply means “spending time together” by giving your undivided attention, affection & energy to the one you love. This includes going for a walk or just sitting together and talking. It can also include doing absolutely nothing but cherishing one another’s presence & company..!
There are times when your partner may complain about a lack of quality time even after you have spent time together at a party. This may confuse you but remember what they are after is not quantity of time but quality which means complete and undivided attention.
Acts of Service:
This is another interesting way of expressing love. Here love is expressed by “helping them”.. in their work e.g. finding some files, completing some assignments, doing household chores together like washing dishes, ironing, preparing a meal, or even small things like reading a book to them without expecting anything in return.
If you do these activities with an expectation for something then it is not love it is a bargain, isn’t it?!. Here acts convey your love not through words or gifts but through your deeds!
Gifts:
Some feel loved by receiving gifts. It can be anything…It doesn’t matter whether the gift is expensive, luxurious or not. What matters is that it is something they like, has an element of surprise, and is preferably gift-wrapped. This makes them know that “you think about them, that you care, and that you have gone the extra mile just to buy a gift for them because they are important”. If this is your partner’s love language… then go ahead. Don’t wait for specific events.. Gift them without any occasion!!
Physical Touch:
“Touch” by the right person can make us feel warm & comforting. Touch though includes sex (in a romantic relationship) is a lot more than that. Even a simple touch like holding hands together, giving a peck on the cheek, hugging, or just massaging your partner after a long tiring day… has the power to elicit love!!!
To maintain a healthy relationship, you have to tailor your expressions of love to match each partner’s preferred love language. A better way of finding the partner’s love language is to check what your partner complains most about.
You can discover your partner’s love language by heading to http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ to take the quiz.
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